5 Top Books on the Psychology of Play for Shibari Nawashis

Let’s say you’ve figured out how to tie, but now a bunch of questions start popping up:

How do I find the best models?
What’s allowed and what’s not?
How can I be confident?
How should I behave with a woman/model?
How does she make decisions?
How to respond to her emotions?
How to handle provocations? (There will be plenty.)
How do masters manage to talk to her like that?
What can I expect to get from a woman/model?
Is it okay to undress her?
Can I spank her ass?
Maybe you’re not sure if you can talk to her about love or sex, and if she’s shy or inexperienced, you might not have enough confidence to inspire those conversations.
How to act when you mess up and the mood drops for both of you?
How to suggest Shibari?
What’s the session structure — from introduction to aftercare?
Why do they sometimes shut down and how to work with that?
How to dominate?
Who is a true dominant?

Alex.Kin: I’ve read and integrated into my life the lessons from these 5 books I list below. They will help you better understand women, yourself, play dynamics, emotions, hormones, boundaries, and desires.

This is not some YouTube theory — I’ve lived this in sessions with hundreds of women, from zoomers to top-tier practitioners in my opinion, who lead their own practices: Shibari, Tantra, Yoga, women’s practices, Kundalini Yoga, Ashtanga, sexology, adult party organizers, and more.

These are experienced masters, beginners, and others — but their experiences became real diamonds for me. I wish every man could live at least some of these states: trust, ecstasy, tantric experiences, and other intensely pleasant states I was lucky to experience, and for that, I’m also grateful to the authors of these books.

Read. Integrate.

1. The BluePrint — Tyler Durden

When you master the art of Shibari, women notice, get interested, aroused, and intrigued.
But be ready: you’ll be tested. Hundreds of times.
Are you genuine? Are you who you say you are?

Integrating the insights from this book gives you authenticity and confidence. It doesn’t teach you to play a role — it helps you reveal yourself and stay real in any game. And trust me, tests will break the weak, and only those who truly understand will taste the “cream” — their trust and respect.
A must-read for every Shibari master.

2. Life Without Panties — Alex Leslie

This book uncovers the treasure of understanding how women see men, how sometimes they behave without even realizing it, how they choose partners. And yes, it also explains the tests.

It not only reflects women’s aspects well but is also a practical guide — and here’s a warning: it’s better to be someone who naturally reflects these practices than to try to fake it. In other words, this is how a successful person behaves — free from society’s limits, finances, and restrictive beliefs. But if you’re at a different stage in your development, trying to copy can feel like trying to lift 150 kg at your first powerlifting gym visit…
Some things are true about alpha males, but copying blindly will be fake, and you might lose yourself — though it will bring experience. Integrate, but stay true to yourself.
I integrated only parts of this book during three years of experimenting, and I’m very satisfied — no fear of mistakes or losing what I value.

My advice: take understanding, but don’t go beyond your principles — even animals have morals. This book is a “before and after” life changer — not just to read, but to apply.

3. 11 Minutes — Paulo Coelho

They say he wrote this book together with a prostitute. It’s an easy read that reflects women’s thoughts and how they see us.
An important insight from Maria in the book reveals three levels of intimate closeness:

Ordinary (99% of men)
Mastery — one scene (what we learn/know)
Tantric sex (not named in the book, but described through the artist’s experience)

Essential reading for any man who wants to understand intimacy.

4. The Chemistry of Happiness — Loretta Breuning

I consider this book mandatory for every Shibari practitioner.
Because what we really work with in ropes are pleasant states, and their mechanisms are explained here.

Dopamine — motivation, reward anticipation. Fires when you want something (goal, food, Instagram like).
Serotonin — status, respect, feeling important. You get a dose when you succeed in hierarchy.
Oxytocin — trust, attachment. Appears in closeness: hugs, shared activities, even in groups.
Endorphins — natural painkillers. Activate with physical effort, laughter, or pain (e.g., punishment or stubbing your toe).

These are hormones. This is concrete biochemistry.

This book is not just to be read. It must be understood.
The deeper you get into the reward and punishment system, the better you’ll navigate the main thing — states: yours and your model’s.

Those who understand dopamine anticipation, how oxytocin differs from endorphins, and how to trigger serotonin won’t be just rope masters but creators of unforgettable experiences.

5. Stories of a Shibari Practitioner and His Friends — Alex Kin

(In editing — coming soon)

What if Shibari became a way to see a person as they really are?
No roles. No fear of judgment. No masks.

This book is not fiction. These are stories woven in ropes from Phangan, Bali, Goa, the Himalayas, and even Kyiv during the war. Real people, real sessions, real transformations.

Unique models: Tantra masters, women’s practice facilitators, sexologists, yoginis, a professional slave, musicians, dancers…
They all came to Shibari from different worlds and left transformed.

My name is Alex.Kin, I’m a Shibari master. My special advantage is mobile locations where there’s no need to “keep face.” People opened up genuinely.
It was in these flows that I experimented, observed, and found answers.

The book contains stories of people and practices:
Shibari, spanking, pet play, yoni massage, domination, flogging, fisting, swinging scenes, psychological games — and the main question I kept asking myself:
“Why does this work this way?”

This is not just erotica. This is research.
It’s about dimensions of pleasure where beautiful people come for sessions, open up, learn, and remain grateful for the depth.

Will this book help you understand women better than 99.9% of men?
We’ll find out together after you read it.